Finishing up commissions for Christmas kept me going and I have to say I'm amazed that I keep getting better as I age. The dogs are good, Roger is good, but I still feel like there's something close by.
Oh, there you are..DEPRESSION. It has snuck up on me throughout my life but I'm good at covering it. Smiling, waving, chatting away but this season, not so much and a cold on top of it just isn't helping. So many people get depressed this time of year , not being with mily, financial reasons, sickness. You don't want people to know, its' such a "weakness" but it's not. It's real and part of your makeup. My heart goes out to others. This time I told one friend who is always supportive and we text regularly. My children texted and facetimed for Christmas and it was glorious and I am grateful , it so helps. I am lucky, I have great friends, some I've never met but have no idea I'm frozen because of those cat paws that came stealing into my life.
So here it is, a blog totally muggled and disjointed. I guess by saying it now I can put my boots on and start climbing out. I'm getting to the point that I'm saying "damn the awnings", (short of starting an awning Go-fund me page..JOKING!!!) I just want our big one to be fixed so it blocks the sun and I can paint outdoors. The dogs hair will always be drifting through the rig and what would it be like not to have them? Not an option. Art supplies..yes I've been doing retail therapy the past few days, a good sign, and thinking about what my plan is for 2019. A few more commissions and then I'm on my own so to speak.
Depression also brings with it a bit of agoraphobia so the only time I leave CiCiBlue right now is when the dogs have to go out. I know..therapy? Been there and I know the triggers and actually know what to do. ART! The meds actually curbed the creativity so those are gone and CBD oil has replaced that and helps me focus. Putting the words on a blog is actually sending those cat paws in another direction, I'm not alone and damn those awnings. The trigger was actually the insurance company saying yes, we will cover it to, well, maybe to, yes we will, to, ah, no.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for being friends.. (Oh Lord, was that just the theme from the Golden Girls?) 5 more days to the new Year and a new beginning of art and adventure.
If you suffer, and one does, from depression, tell one friend. Try and reach out because sure as shootin' I bet that friend also knows what it's like and can reach back and help you climb back up.
I'll be back in the New year so have a wonderful rest of the year and be happy and safe!
Sheila and the Gang